Round 3

Week two of Methotrexate is almost over. I'm happy to report that i have kicked it in the butt again. You have to monitor yourself very carefully when you're on this drug, measuring your "input" and "output", making sure you take enough sodium bicarb pills to even out your PH levels, taking your "rescue pill" to create a barrier between the drug and your healthy cells so that your body does not shut down. I have learned a LOT here already, the body and medical industry amaze me.

Luckily, i have completely flushed the drug out of my body a day early, which is great. This means that i do not have to drag "Fred" home. Here in pediatrics they call the overnight pump/IV bag "Fred" for the children. He's placed in a stylish Sloan-Kettering blue canvas backpack. Fred and i have become very close. When he runs during the night, the sound of the pump makes it sound like he's breathing. Me and Fred are buds.

Any males reading may want to skip over this part. Chemo puts you into early menopause. I am still really upset about this, this means that i only have a 50/50 chance of having children after my treatment. I have always wanted to adopt at least one kid anyway, but i'd like to be able to have one of my own too. It's not entirely out of the question, but for a woman it's devastating to even think that there is a chance that i will be unable to. Even though the Dr.'s mentioned that i can stop taking my birth control pill, i have continued to take it, and even refilled my RX today. I am somehow trying to trick my my body into ignoring the fact that there is chemo in my body. Well maybe it's somewhat working? I had horrid PMS all week and got my "friend" yesterday. On top of that, the early menopause has started. Try PMS-ing and having hot flashes at the same time - holy hell! I feel bad for my parents and anyone else who's been around me for the past few days, lol. Mooooooody much?

Since i am doing well, i am going to get out of bum-wear tonight, put some jeans on and go out to eat with my parents. It'll be nice to not be laying in bed all day and night. Speaking of which...

I had my metaport surgery on Friday. They removed the temporary lines (where they take blood and inject chemo) and placed in a double metaport. This way you don't have wires hanging all over the place, and when they access it - they just push a needle through the top layer of your skin. They have cream that numbs it first so it's not so bad. The size of the device is about two-quarters wide and the height of a thimble. I woke up from surgery in a lot of pain. It feels as if they've implanted a brick under my skin. They place it under the skin beneath your collarbone, where there is not a lot of fat. It's feeling better today but i am pretty bruised up. The worst part is that there is a small percentage of people who have "faulty" wiring with these ports. Can you guess who falls into that percentage? Yours truly. The only way that my port works is if i am laying flat on my back. This means that when i sit up to eat or run to the bathroom, my pump beeps and the meds stop being delivered. I am trying not to let it get to me, but it's hard. Just another bump in the road, i will keep on truckin'.

Oh yeah, my head is officially buzzed. I was surprised that i was able to look into the mirror the entire time, and not cry at all. I think it's because i realize that this is the beginning of my path to recovery, and so to watch it go is not so bad. I will have plenty of time to have fun hair again after my treatment is over. My hair lady is so amazing. She came in on Sunday when the shop is closed, and opened it up just for me so that i did not have to have a ton of people around when she buzzed my head. On top of that, she took the time out of her busy schedule (running around in prep for her daughters graduation) to do this for me. Took my wig, chopped it up and dyed it and has not charged me a penny since all of this started. Oh i love my Maria. Since i am no longer a walking advertisement for her hair creativity and expertise (i am not shitting you that i would get stopped every 5 seconds) i just want to post here that if anyone is looking for a new colorist/stylist - go see Maria in Millburn, the name of the salon is Touche. It's right in the center of town, across from the park.

Even though i miss my hair, I must say it is nice to not have to shave every day! Vanity is fun but it is nice to have a break. I did put a tiny bit of make-up on this morning so as not to look like a corpse, and everyone at the hospital said "wow, you look great today! You must be feeling well" Heh, funny what a little foundation and eyebrow pencil can do.

Anyhoo, i can't wait to come home tomorrow! :]