Round 2

Back to NY. Monday I had my first dose of High-Dose Methotrexate (made a correction to my first post - i swapped the drug names, whoops) and i am so happy to report that i'm doing awesome. This drug is a bit weaker than the first two, so my blood counts are up and i'm feeling good and eating like a pig. I lost about 10 lbs. after my first treatment so this week i am taking advantage of my non-nausea and am trying to bring my weight back up.

I do love this hospital but the one thing i am having trouble tolerating are the vast majority of smells. The smell of coffee, alcohol swabs, and the absolute worst - saline. Before they draw blood from your lines or inject you with chemo, they always have to flush your lines with saline to clean them out. As soon as they inject it, you get a rush of the scent and taste in your nose, mouth and even eyes. It is the strangest sensation ever. I read a few stories of cancer patients that said the exact same thing. I always used to love the smell of "clean", sterile hospital-type things. But now, yyyuck. I guess i am associating these smells with the feeling of pain and the overall reason that i am here.

More and more hair is falling out, and so this weekend i think i am getting rid of it all. I wake up and find it in my nose, eyes, socks, pants etc. and it is just itchy and depressing (you guys know i am a hair fanatic). So it will be hats and scarves from now on. Also, the chemo effects your tastebuds. Anyone who knows me well enough knows my love for chocolate. Guess what guys? The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach! I can't believe it myself. All i find myself craving (candy-wise) are really gross sugary children's candy. Like gushers fruit snacks and lifesavers and all of the candy i've always despised because it tastes like pure sugar. How very strange...

I am getting more and more comfortable here in NY and at the hospital. IV machines beeping and children screaming start to swirl together and just form a backdrop of the daily visits. On my first day of chemo i was all set up in my room, IV started dripping, and all of a sudden we hear a child screaming bloody murder. My nurse comes in and says "don't worry, we are not murdering children over there! It is just the chemo". Turns out there is a type of chemotherapy that the nurses can inject directly into tumors with a needle and it is very painful for the children since it attacks the tumor immediately. They keep these rooms far off but the shreaking bounces all over and down the hallways. I can't put the sound to words but trust me, it is something you'd never want to hear. I walk down the hallways and study each patient, fingers crossed that i will see their hair start to grow back some day soon and that those tears will subside.

Just wanted to give a quick update to let you know that i'm doing well, it's nap time for me. I miss you all!