More and more I am asked how I am dealing with a life threatening disease so well. Oncologists and Aetna insurance courtesy calls seem concerned that I am not interested in talking to “someone”; aka a therapist. I wouldn’t say that I am exactly boasting with excitement these days, but I’ll just say that I won’t let myself get devoured by this foreign DNA living (and dying) in my body.
Last December I had a meltdown which, now, seems so trivial. In any case, at the time it felt tragic and so I went out for a comfort drive with a very special friend and she taught me a new way of thinking/being. It did help tremendously during that time and since my diagnosis I think of that night often. I wrote the following entry about 9 months ago. I thought this may help answer some of your questions as to how I am managing to cope with things. This is one of the ways...
---------
12.5.06
Tonight we spoke about the basics of quantum physics and other things of nature that seem simply out of your control, but they really aren’t. They don’t have to be unless you make them that way. The idea that what you put out there is what you get in return. Release negative energy into the universe, surround yourself with negative feelings and thoughts – it will throw it all right back at you. It’s always listening and ready to bounce, and in the end all you have is yourself. Your thoughts. Be careful because that body of yours. it’s listening. And then it reacts.
Think about how your body feels when you are stressed or upset. When you are going through something tragic or simply something that is out of your control. Can you feel the knot in your stomach and that lump in your throat? At the same time, your hands are sweating and your teeth are clenching. Why is it happening? And why all at once? A mini panic attack, if you will. It happens because you let it. Negative energy is flowing from head to toe and your body is physically reacting. It listens and your body puts a face to it.
It’s ugly and it stings. People see you and you feel thin and transparent.
Is it true? Can we really control all that? I typically laugh at new age bullshit and organics but if I boil some of the ideas down that I learned tonight, it makes sense. I get it.
Mind and body. The universe around us. Balance and gravity. Good in, good out.
I heard that there are no such things as coincidences in life, that you are in charge of it all. No one matters but your self, and for that – you make your own decisions. You predict that phone call and you called upon that stranger.
The people you meet and the places you go, you make it happen. Gain that control back.
There are points in your life where you have reached the end of your rope and it is then when you finally learn to appreciate the passion and beliefs of others. Where you finally open up because you feel like you have no other choice. It is sad, but opportunity.
It is refreshing to have a friend that is so spiritual, but not the least bit religious. It comes out in smiles and long drives.
Thank you, Shannon. ♥
